People can't be unhappy because they always seem happy - WRONG

This week has literally been a struggle for me emotionally. Earlier on in the week I erupted from rage to my teacher in front of my class and then broke down in tears to my teacher in private. Everyday I would feel my chest tighten and my heart beat fast, I would feel like my breathe was knocked out of me. In this week I would be constantly tired and have headaches, despite the amount of sleep I get, often I'd feel alone no matter how many people were around me, as if the volume of the world was turned down and it was just me. However, through out all this I just smiled and tried my best to SEEM happy and..now I'm tired.

When I tried opening up to my mum to tell her how I felt, she said that "I'm acting" and that "I'm making it up" and that "I'm creating my own problems" she didn't understand, she only began to understand when her boyfriend told her what was happening, she didn't know how to deal with it. Later on, I told my friend why I didn't go into school on one of the days because I needed a day to myself. I explained to her how I felt, I got shot down. I got told that "I can't be like this because I find it easy to talk about" also that " I can't be like this because other people have it worse" however she doesn't understand that I can't choose and switch it on and off. I can't prevent my chest from tightening and feeling like it's going to explode. I have tried to deal with it and I have tried not talking about it and.. I exploded. It bubbled and made its way to the exit and released: my emotions and feelings... it came out like word vomit. And my teacher was the unlucky person to be in the way of my path. I'm not making it up! You are allowed to feel however you want to, because it's your life and it's your situation, sympathy to those who have it worse but everyone is fighting their own battles, you can't pretend like it doesn't exist. Because if you do... It will kill you. 

I want you to know, that it's okay to vent, to open up, maybe at first they don't understand but you have to try to make them understand, but what you find is that you have to mainly help yourself. It's your battle and as mean as that sounds they can't remove those voices or those feelings from your head or body. It's all up to you. I'm not writing this for sympathy I'm writing this to make other people and you understand that you aren't alone and people can only help you so far, but you have to walk the rest of the way or at least meet them halfway, because in the end it is important that YOU DO YOU.

Always supporting and voting for you.
Josephine Beth-xx